the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
