The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize