Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
