So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
