We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
