I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my liver is dry heaving
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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