we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sober January is a disaster.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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