I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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