im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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