i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
