Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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