So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
