Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize