they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
