Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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You. Win. At. Life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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