i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
