"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
