my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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