I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
