Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
