sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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