Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
