i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sober January is a disaster.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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