I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize