Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
