Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
