3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bring money and cleavage
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
