It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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