Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
