I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
