Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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