I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
