so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize