Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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