stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
