you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
