I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
