bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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