he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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