you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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