Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
