My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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