He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
