Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
