1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
