I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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