Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
