He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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