He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
