I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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