You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
