I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
