I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
did i walk over a car last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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