we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
