I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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