I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
