Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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