Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Panties = found
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
