Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
