Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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