You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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