Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
