Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
