I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
