you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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