you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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