Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
