chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
