Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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