I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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