Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
