i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
