just come out here and I will go home with you...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I believe in your delicious
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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