the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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