Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
