Me too!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
