Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
