I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I deserve this hangover.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
