Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
