there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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